Why I Didn't Make the Olympics

For those of us who weren't quite big enough, fast enough, or looked good enough in a beach volleyball outfit. There are many of us who will never know the thrill of that kind of victory. Fortunately though, we have also avoided the following agony of defeat.

Singing Lions

Got any Grapes?

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, “no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes.” The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes and if you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your little duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says “no”!

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?”
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Einstein The Bird

A Cop and a Drunk

A Cop pulled a car over for speeding.

When the Cop asked the driver why he was traveling 95mph, the driver answered that he was a juggler on his way to do a show for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.

The Cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Cop that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Cop told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car, and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the Cop got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk got out, watched the performance briefly, went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Cop observed him doing this, and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well haul my behind to jail, cause there's NO way I’ll pass that test."

Redneck Dogs

New Dream For A Good Night Rest